Public Speaking

Speaking in public has always been a challenge for me. I grew up in a house with a boisterous stepfather and brother. There was a lot of verbal and physical abuse in the household. I decided it was better to stay quiet and avoid being noticed, as I was never sure what may happen that day. In school, the more talkative kids gravitated towards me. Probably because I was portrayed as an excellent listener, a benefit to not talking. However, I really do have things to say. I have all these thoughts that flow effortlessly through my mind. It’s getting my mouth to work alongside my brain that’s the issue. In one of my high school classes, the teacher wrote, ‘no class participation’ on my report card, and yet I received an ‘A’. Another class, I had to give an oral book report. I thought if I took off my glasses, I wouldn’t be able to see the class clearly and that would help. Instead, I fidgeted so much I broke my glasses. As I have gotten older, I realized that there are things that I could do to help me with my public speaking. Instead of just thinking about all the things I wish I could say, I would write them down on note cards. The act of writing helps to implant what I want to say so I’m not fumbling for words. I may not refer to them, but it helps that the thoughts are in a physical form and I could direct my attention to the cards if needed.

This may sound odd, but as I look around my circle of influence, the people I see are loud, gregarious, and prone to not taking a breath between sentences. On the other hand, they are also my friends and encourage me to partake in their conversations. They do not let me just sit there with my thoughts. By making sure that I get out of my box, they are helping me to instill positive reinforcement when I speak. Of course, they do tease me about not speaking, but it’s done in a way that breaks my tension and helps me relax. It is so important to have a support system that builds your confidence by listening and validating your importance.

I had been teaching the first through third grade students in Sunday School, before Covid. Years ago, I started as an assistant, handing out supplies, trying to keep the kids somewhat quiet. At one point there was a shortage of teachers, so I signed up. I am now pretty vocal, asking and answering questions with the kids. There are lessons, which include crafts and activities, that I prepare for the students. As the children come from various families and backgrounds, it’s important that I adjusted my communication skills to relate to the children. The last Ladies Bible Study, I facilitated the Zoom portion, which meant I had to ask questions, and give the answers to start conversations. It also meant that I had to open and close the meeting in prayer, another weakness of mine. By the end of the study, I had more confidence.

 I cannot sum up how I have overcome my fear of public speaking as it is still there, lurking. I still tend to be more of an observer and processor. I believe that all speakers have a bit of fear present and that’s what gives them the adrenaline to continue. In my case, although there is a still some fear, it is not as crippling as it used to be. My strategies to help, not overcoming, but persevering through the fear, include written note cards, a positive support system, and putting myself in situations where I am forced to address my fear.